DEATH

or Better Yet, Live for Today

Recently, there has been more death and morbidity in my life than usual.

There is no easy way to discuss this topic. Death is finite and simultaneously infinitely painful for the survivors. Everyone learns in the moment how to deal with death. There is no on-the-job training. We are not born ready to accept this reality.

It is simply thrust upon us.

While I deal with illness and death more frequently than the average American, an occupational reality, it never becomes easy. Each loss has its own weight. Each reminds us of truths we would rather not face.

I found myself sitting quietly with these recent events and wondering what I would want for myself and my family if this had happened to me today. What would I have wanted for my friends and family if I had died at 17? At 35? At 55?

What words would I say to my parents if I could speak to them one final time?

What would I want my children to know?

What would I hope my friends remembered?

As these thoughts swirled in the sadness of loss, I kept returning to one simple idea:

Live every day as if it could be your last, with honor and respect for yourself and others.

If we hold true to that ideal, perhaps it softens the blow for those left behind. Perhaps it provides the best farewell possible for a life ended too soon, if that happens.

Several quotes come to mind in this space.

Marcus Aurelius wrote:

"Do not act as if you had ten thousand years to throw away. Death stands at your elbow. Be good for something while you live and it is in your power."

And:

"Perfection of character is this: to live each day as if it were your last, without frenzy, without apathy, without pretense."

Mark Twain offered what may be my favorite reflection (How I currently feel):

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."

E. E. Cummings put it even more simply:

"Unbeing dead isn't being alive."

And then there is the timeless wisdom from Dead Poets Society:

"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... and not, when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived."

Followed by John Keating's famous challenge:

"Carpe diem. Seize the day. Make your lives extraordinary."

I suspect many of you reading this are thinking about your own mortality or that of someone you love.

Do not run from that thought.

Sit with it.

Let the sadness wash over you. Let it remind you of what matters. Let it sharpen your appreciation for the people sitting across from you at dinner tonight. Let it strengthen your resolve to live more fully tomorrow than you did yesterday.

This is the place from which we lead our children, not from fear, but from gratitude.

Do not let the petty trivialities of the day rob you of joy. Do not surrender a precious day to resentment, pride, or needless conflict.

Own your God-given gift of life.

At the dinner table recently, my nephew offered a piece of advice to a group of graduates. It was wonderfully simple:

"Don't bring the drama to work."

I smiled because there is wisdom hidden in those few words. Much of what steals our peace is self-inflicted. We create storms where none are needed.

Another thought keeps surfacing this Sunday morning.

To live this life with anything less than what you are capable of is unfortunate.

Resist excessive comfort.

Challenge yourself.

Learn.

Grow.

Serve.

Love.

Become more than you were yesterday.

One day all of us will run out of time. The question is not whether that day will come. The question is whether we used our days well when they were given to us.

At the same time, never confuse busyness with purpose. Time spent with family is never wasted. It is soul-watering. It is among the highest uses of the limited time we are given.

My son once read an earlier version of this essay and offered his own addition:

"Dad, I would add what you always tell me: it is up to you to choose to be happy."

I have spent 55 years looking for evidence to the contrary and have yet to find it.

I see children battling cancer who somehow still find reasons to smile despite being deprived of hair, freedom from disease, uncertainty, and loss. I also see healthy children who struggle to find joy despite every advantage life has provided.

CHOOSE HAPPINESS

Life will throw curveballs. That is guaranteed.

How we respond is everything.

As I think about these recent deaths, I find myself wondering the same things many of you wonder.

Did they love deeply?

Did they laugh often?

Did they spend their time well?

Did they leave the world a little better than they found it?

Was their life well lived, regardless of its length?

Somewhere deep in my bones, no, deeper than that, in my soul, I believe every human being has the capacity to live beautifully despite what life places in front of them.

I hope those who have passed found peace.

I hope those who are struggling find strength.

And I hope the rest of us remember that today is not a rehearsal.

It is life itself.

Live for today.

That is how I will remember them.

God bless,

Dr. M